Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Armageddon . . . Really?

This is NOT the type of blog I'd ever intended to write, because it is engendered by some bad feelings .  .  .  I mean, I sent all my savings to Harold Camping, and then sold all my worldly goods and sent that money too .  .  .  I wanted Harold Camping, the greatest prophet of modern time, and his family and underlings to live in luxurious comfort until the last day .  .  .  Or, supposed last day of May 21st .  .  .  Yeah, Harold, NOW what do I do?  Should I hold my breath until October 21st, your revised date?  I'm seriously pissed Harold!  I'm writing this on a laptop I stole from a third grader .  .  .  But I'm pretty sure God wanted me to have it .  .  .  After all, you've been taking money for years (80 million between '05 and '09) if we can believe the news media .  .  .  So, what's one little laptop compared to 80 mil?  

OK, I jealously guard my karma, so I have to come clean on this .  .  .  Not much of what appears in that first paragraph is true .  .  .  I did not send ol' Harold my money, nor did I sell my possessions .  .  .  I did, however, give some clothing to the Salvation Army .  .  .  I certainly do NOT think ol' Harold is the greatest prophet of our time .  .  .  But certainly, one of the greatest FALSE prophets, definitely .  .  .  And that laptop thing?  I haven't stolen anything since that twenty-five cent Oh Henry bar in '68 .  .  .  And I'm certain I worked off that bad karma long ago .  .  .

The really sad thing is that ol' Harold will still be raking it in .  .  .  The sad thing is that there will still be plenty of people who will follow and believe his every word .  .  .  The sad thing is many people are now penniless because they followed ol' Harold's admonitions .  .  .  The sad thing is that when it comes to religion, many people put their God-given intellect on hold and will believe the crap that comes out of the mouths of certain televangelists, who plead for money to support their VERY comfortable, if not outright luxurious lifestyles .  .  .  The sad thing is that some people will misuse their spiritual power to pad their own egos and bank accounts .  .  .  BTW, I do believe one or two televangelists are OK people, but which one or two?  I have no idea!

So, I had an idea last night .  .  .  At exactly one minute after midnight CDT, I bit the head off a chicken, boiled it's blood and drank it .  .  .  Mmmmmm!  Delicious!!  Then, I drank as much as I could from a bottle of Sammy Hagar's Cabo Wabo Tequila without passing out .  .  .  Followed that up with 20 wine gums .  .  .  Turned on the television and watched the first thing that appeared, which was an infomercial about increasing penis size .  .  .  And finally, once I felt my consciousness had been sufficiently raised, I contacted the Gods of the Universe, who by the way, are REALLY cool dudes .  .  .  Know what they told me?  The world IS going to end on a specific date .  .  .  Which date, you ask?  Tell you what .  .  .   Send me an e-mail, and I'll respond with instructions as to how to send me all your money, turn all your assets over to me, and make me a very rich man!  Oh, and I'll give you the REAL exact date of THE END .  .  .  Because clearly, Harold Campis just can't seem to get this thing right!  Hah!!

Life is beautiful baby!

Peace and love .  .  .

Until next time .  .  .  Ciao!!   

PS .  .  .  To all the PETA people .  .  .  That chicken thing?  Maybe it didn't go down exactly like that .  .  .  lol  But I gotta tell ya .  .  .  Sammy DOES make some fine tequila!  :)



Sandra said...

You're too funny! I love how you washed it all down with wine gums! My kind of conscious elevation!
As for PETA, I'm sure they eat KFC once in a while, like the rest of us barbarians!

France said...

You know, common sense isn't that common.

People who give all their savings to people they barely know, or people who claim this or that, deserve what's happening to them. Some people need a reality check. Perhaps I should try to sell that!


Snake said...

Sandra . . . Just came in from the gym and am snacking on wine gums right now! And a glass of red wine . . . lol I'm waiting for the scathing comment from someone who's taken that last paragraph seriously . . .

France . . . I hear ya sister! I have a hard time feeling sorry for them too . . . Just because some bunyuk is on television talking about Jesus doesn't make him an honest broker . . . So, does this mean then that you're not going to send me your money? LOL Ciao!